Confessions
by Kaitley
Summary: No matter how much we like it or not: we cannot control the fact that our paths cross. That we can't forget about each other, no matter how hard we try. Seddie 3-shot about meeting again. Each chap. is based on a different song.
1. Half of My Heart

**Confessions**

**Chapter 1**

"**Half of My Heart"**

**Hey guys! I'm still working on Running, don't worry, the next chap. should be up soon for that! Anyways, here is the first part of my 3-shot based on the song Half of My Heart by John Mayer. Enjoy!**

**Sam is 24 and Freddie is 25 in this story. **

**Disclaimer: yeah yeah yeah. I don't own anything. STOP RUBBING IT IN!**

To: .com

From: .com

Freddie,

Long time no see huh? I've saved your email all these years… fu-

Yeah, I'm just gonna say it. This is one of those stupid cliché letter things that tells you about my feelings/life. Yeah yeah yeah. Just read it already.

_I was born in the arms of imaginary friends:_

I grew up in a home where my parents were hardly ever there. I guess you could say I was born in the arms of imaginary friends.

_Free to roam, made a home, out of everywhere I've been._

They were fighting again. Usually I didn't mind it so much. I mean, of course I did a little bit. I was a 9-year-old kid for God's sake! I wanted everything to be happy. But unfortunately, that's not real life. That's not MY life.

Anyway, I couldn't help but overhear them. (Yes, we still lived in the same crappy apartment.) My dad was cheating on my mom. I couldn't take this any longer. I got tired of living. I couldn't stand my life anymore. During that fight, I ran away.

I somehow ended up at Carly's apartment: a place I did not really know. I'd been there once or twice, but we were just too different to coincide. I entered their apartment completely broken. It turned into this whole sleepover thing and we just talked all night. We became closer that night: and it actually made me kinda glad that my home life was so bad. It's kinda sick and twisted, I know. But if that hadn't happened, we would have never met. iCarly would have never been born.

_Then you come on crashing in, like the realest thing._

Then you came into my life. I won't lie and say it was love from first sight: but I had always known you were a decent guy. Despite my constant teasing, you got through it all and were still there for me at the end of the day.

_Try my best to understand, all that your love can bring._

Soon I realized that I had a crush on you. (I know, I can't believe it either.) But I just didn't know how to get my feelings out I guess. I had basically raised myself: having a mother who was drunk all the time and a father who was never around. Nobody taught me how to get these newfound feelings out, and soon they just became this strangled mess inside of me. I began taking these weird feelings out on you. I never thought I'd say this, but... I'm sorry Frednub. It's even hard just to type out.

_Oh, half of my heart's got a grip on the situation. Half of my heart's got time._

Half of my heart had a grip on the situation: half of it just took time. Time spent teasing you and fighting with you because I couldn't get used to these feelings.

_Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you that I can't keep loving you (can't keep loving you) Oh, with half of my heart._

I was conflicted. Half of my heart seemed to be telling me that I can't keep loving you this way. The other half was saying that it's just who we are.

_I was made to believe I'd never love somebody else._

After my dad left for good to go live with his slut of a girlfriend, my home life just kept on getting worse. Eventually, my mother became a drunkard and an addict. She began sleeping with random men day after day. Our apartment became a trash heap. I got tired of my life. I got tired of her. I ran away again. I lost all faith and trust in all people except Carly. (AN Freddie was not around at this time) I guess I was made to believe I'd never love somebody else. I never felt the same kind of affection towards anyone else until you came through the door.

Nobody had ever really seemed to care for me except you. I mean, I guess it just went to my head. Carly's nice and all, but she just doesn't understand me like you seem to. You always are there when I needed you: you still are. I know I tease you constantly, and I don't know how you could ever live through that. At the end of the day though, we do have each other's backs.

_Made a plan, stay the man, who can only love himself._

I made a plan. I would put these walls around myself. I would be stronger and tougher than I already was. Nobody would ever know the real me. I didn't want to be hurt in the same way my family was: to fall in love too quickly only to have many peoples' lives fall apart. I wanted to stay the girl that would only love herself.

_Lonely was the song I sang; till the day you came._

I wasn't always so aggressive. I mean, I wasn't a fruit cocktail girly-girl like Melanie, but I wasn't always going around beating people up. I still insulted people, but it was all in fun. Kind of like what we do now. Just friendly teasing (most of the time). I was just lonely.

Eventually that sense of not belonging overcame me, and I turned into the monster you see before you today. Nobody ever bothers to remember what I was like before: either they're too hung up on the present or I'm too hung up on the past.

_Showing me another way, and all that my love can bring._

You showed me another way. You showed me that it's okay to break down sometimes. And sometimes, I did. You just were not around. Neither was Carly. I kinda held this against you. That's the reason why I had been avoiding you all this time. Why I had been avoiding the real me.

Carly thought I had told her everything about my life that night: and I had told her a lot. But I didn't tell her all I could have. She just can see the first inner layer of me. I just couldn't tell her things that I could not tell and believe myself.

_Oh, half of my hearts got a grip on the situation. Half of my heart takes time. Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you that I can't keep loving you (can't keep loving you) oh, with half of my heart. Half of my heart_

Part of me knows its right to tell somebody all of this. Part of me knows its right to let my past go. But I'm still having that stupid inner conflict.

_Your faith, is strong. But I can only fall short for so long._

I know you believe in me: that you will always be there for me rooting on the sidelines. Your faith is strong. But I can only fall short for so long. I don't want to fall too quickly only to fall hard when this all blows over: if it all blows over. Don't blame yourself.

_Down the road, later on, you will hate that I never gave more to you than half of my heart._

I know that, if something comes out of this, you will eventually disagree with me. I know at some point: everyone does. And this leads to downfall. Because of my past, it will be hard to break down the barriers that I have formed. It would all be too much for me: too much to handle all at once. I will be reluctant. Down the road, later on, you will hate that I never gave more to you than half of my heart.

_But I can't stop loving you (can't stop loving you) with half of my heart._

Now, you may ask yourself, "Why is she sending me this email?" Well, the answer is, if you haven't figured it out already, I love you Fredface, and you have no idea how hard it is for me to say this. But I can't stop loving you, no matter how hard I try: even if it is with only half of my heart.

_Half of my heart's got a real good imagination. Half of my heart's got you._

But I've come to a realization. I guess that half of my heart has a real good imagination. The other half's got you. Stuck on my brain: you're just trapped in my mind. Stuck there with no way out.

_Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you that half of my heart won't do._

Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you that half of my heart won't do. I should be loving you totally: but my past comes to mind every single time. It's not you, really. This would happen with any other guy too. It's just too hard for me to let go.

_Half of my heart is a shotgun wedding to a bride with a paper ring. And half of my heart is the part of a man who never truly loved anything._

Half of my heart is the part of me who can't let go: but can't hold on either. It's the part of me who hasn't truly loved anything. It's the part of my heart that's pure solid concrete from the desolate years of my childhood.

_Half of my heart. Oh, half of my heart. Half of my heart_.

But, I guess it's time to let go of those feelings: even if it's only partial. I really do love you. I don't know how and I don't know why, but I do know that if you feel the same way, I'd be willing to try.

Sam

**Oh-kay! So I hope you liked it! Next chapter will be up… probably next week or the week after. I will be away next week but I may post before then. Please review: I work hours on each chapter but reviews make it all worth it!**


	2. All In

Confessions

Chapter 2

**Hello my dear readers! (wow do I sound like an old librarian or what?) *ahem* Anyways, here is the next chapter of Confessions I am sneaking in before my weeklong trip tommo- today actually now that I look at the clock LOL. Anyways, enjoy! I used the song "All In" by Lifehouse for this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly. There it is, plain and simple. Don't question me. (:**

To: sam . ham

From: freddie . tech

_All night staring at the ceiling, counting the minutes, I've been feeling this way_

I've spent so long remembering the moments and crazy mixed-up feelings we'd felt for each other. I've spent so many endless nights staring at the ceiling: just counting the years I've been feeling this way about you. How was I supposed to know you'd return them?

_So far away and so alone_

You were so far away. I felt so alone. . I thought you had moved on: had forgotten all about me and Carly and your old life. How was I supposed to know that you were waiting for me all this time?

I remember the day you left as clear as yesterday. I was too scared to let you go: but too scared to let you stay. How was I supposed to know you'd come back?

_But you know it's alright: I came to my senses._

But now, all these mixed feelings have come to an end. I know that I love you: even if you're not sure about your feelings for me. I know that you were hurt by your family. I know that you were irreparably damaged. But I'm willing to give this a go if you are completely sure.

_Letting go of my defenses._

You can see that we're not our usual bickering selves. I guess we've grown up in the years spent apart. (although Frednub did not go unnoticed (;) We have let go of our defenses. The walls are down for both of us; whether we like it or not. How was I supposed to guess that you had a softer side then you let anyone else know?

_There's no way I'm giving up this time. _

One too many times you have slipped through my fingers. I can't let it happen again. I felt so alone that day you left. Carly left the next day: and me the day after that. We just…. fell apart. How was I supposed to know that you would resurface years later?

_Yeah you know I'm right here. I'm not losing you this time._

I'm right here. I will always be here for you. Even if you only will give me half of your heart: just 1/16 or .00000000001 is good enough for me. Just to have you here next to me is enough.

_And I'm all in, nothing left to hide. _

I'm all in: ready for you. There's nothing left to hide for us. I guess that because you have told me your story, I will tell you mine.

I don't know much about my dad. I have these small memories of him, just clips, ya know? But it's been so long I can't tell if they are just wild fantasies or anything. I just have these: flashbacks.

He died in a terrorist bombing. My dad had worked overseas and had gotten on some powerful guy's bad side. He was going to our house from Washington D.C. and apparently, someone had placed a bomb in his backpack. He was just going through security when it exploded. A lot of people died that day.

That's all I know, and I got all that from the internet. My mom refused to mention him when I was little. I don't remember much about him. He would play catch with me in the backyard when I was little, and we would spend the days at the zoo or something of the like.

How was I supposed to know he would die so suddenly.

_I've fallen harder than a landslide. I've spent a week away from you last night._

I've spent too long away from you. I just can't believe it's been so many years and we've never kept touch. After iCarly, we all drifted apart. I guess that since we all went to different colleges it was hard to. We all had and still have separate lives.

_And now I'm calling, calling out your name._

I'm reaching out for you Sam. I want us to try to have a relationship. I don't know if you'll respond, or if you will want to, but that won't stop me from trying. How am I supposed to know how this will turn out?

_Even if I lose the game, I'm all in. I'm all in tonight. _

Even if we eventually don't work out, if I lose the game, I'm all in. After all, I've been losing the 'game' for years and years. I'm used to it by now (; by now I'm sure you realize that all those constant fights were nothing but a game: even if they were painful. How was I supposed to know they'd turn into something so much more?

_There's no taking back what we've gots too strong. We've had each other's back for too long. _

There's no doubt about it. We have known each other for far too long to stop these feelings. Even though we haven't seen each other in so long, we have so much between us: too much to let go.

_There's no breaking up this time._

There's no running away this time. We can't just leave each other again. We can't hurt each other like that.

_And you know its okay, I came to my senses. _

I've come to my senses now. How am I supposed to know how this will turn out? I don't. But I believe that we can do this: we can live out of love.

_Letting go of my defenses. There's no way I'm giving up this time. And I'm all in, nothing left to hide,_

The walls are down for both of us. For once, we're not afraid to let our true feelings show. YOU'RE not afraid to let your true feelings show. And I can never say how glad I am that you did that. How proud I am that you would do that: for me and me alone.

_I've fallen, harder than a landslide._

I've been feeling like this about you for a long time Sam. At first, I brushed it off: tried to not acknowledge that they were there. But after some time, they grew too strong to be ignored. How was I supposed to know that I was feeling true love? How was I supposed to know you were feeling it back?

_I spent a week away from you last night._

We've spent so long away from each other: we have so much to catch up on. We have so much we can share with each other: if only you are willing to give us a try.

_And now I'm calling, calling out your name._

And now, I'm feeling this way stronger than I ever have before. I've never forgotten about you: you've invaded my mind every night and day.

_Even if I lose the game, I'm all in. I'm all in for life._

_I want it, I want it, I want it. (repeat about 39023984 times.)_

I want this more than anything. I love you more than anything. Please give us a try.

_And I'm calling, calling out your name. Even, if I lose the game I'm all in, I'm all in for life. _

I'm ready for this. I'm ready for us.

_I'm all in for life._

Freddie

**Okay, so that was about it. (: I really hope you enjoyed it, and if you REALLY wanna make me happy coming back from my vaca, REVIEW!**


	3. Superman

**Chapter 3**

**Superman**

**Hey guys! Here is the last chapter! I know, I'm sad too. :'( But anyways, this was so much fun to write and thanks to all who reviewed; especially to that person w/out a name! You completely inspired me to force myself to revise this chapter and here it is! (:**

**Disclaimer: oh, you again. Still don't own ANYTHING.**

**The song in this chapter is Superman by Moi, SUCH a sweet song and Nathan Kress is actually in the music video along with his girlfriend, Madisen Hill. Except they make out for like, half of it (okay, probably not, but whatever) and that weird's me out.**

**Plot of this chapter: I don't really give you a plot, so have some imagination. Pretend either they made plans to meet each other at the park, or just happen to run into each other or something. This is actually in both/either one of them's POV's, just what they are thinking this evening. Enjoy, and PM me/comment with any questions.**

_On a sweet Sunday morning, fourteen years ago, I was only fifteen, now I'm reminiscing._

They feel so long ago: those 12 years. It feels like centuries have passed. I have been waiting for you for so long, even unknowingly, and now you're here.

Hearing you call my name, out, searching, completed me. Made me feel like there was nothing to hide: nothing left to think about. I could tell we both felt the same things; thought the same thoughts. All I need is you.

_I broke into a million pieces, each piece a thousand creases._

This moment made me forget, although temporarily, about the times my heart broke into a million pieces when you walked out. After you left me, it took all of my strength just trying so hard not to openly break down.

But now, each piece of my heart that had been broken was now whole again. This was why. This was why I loved you so much: why I needed you in my life. Just these few seconds made me wonder how I waited so long to fall into your arms.

Each piece of my heart had held a thousand creases; a thousand stories left to be told. No words needed to be spoken; no verbal messages needed to tell you my life story; the epitomes you left pounding in my heart. All I needed was you, right here with your heart and arms open and waiting.

_A memory in my heart, looking up at the stars,_

You made me remember that night on the fire escape. You created the best night of my life. Just by being here in my arms, you made me remember. That's how much of an effect you have on me: how much of a hole you left in my life when you walked out. It's all a memory in my heart now; us thinking quietly to ourselves and looking up at the stars.

_Cause I, I wanted to fly, like superman does; and feel tremendous. Cause I, I wanted to fly, like superman does; and feel tremendous._

On that night, and here today, I want to fly: just like superman does. I want to rise above the world; to feel tremendous. To let everyone know that you are mine and mine alone.

_On a sweet Sunday morning, fourteen seconds ago, I was only moments from my fifteen minutes of fame._

And just think, that 14 seconds ago I was just here watching; waiting. Only 14 seconds away from my; OUR 15 minutes of fame.

_I broke into a million pieces, each piece a thousand creases,_

With you here in my arms, I feel like my heart had been sewn up; completely repaired from the forgiveness I had patched it over with. I couldn't ever have enough of you.

_A memory in my heart, now I'm looking at the stars._

And now, we are once again creating memories. Memories that will be permanently etched in your heart and mine for years to come. Sitting here in our special place looking up at the stars, life couldn't be more perfect.

_Cause I, I wanted to fly, like superman does; and feel tremendous. Cause I, I wanted to fly, like superman does; and feel tremendous._

I want to fly. I just have that feeling whenever I'm around you. I want to get away from this world of distractions just to spend more time with you. You take my feet off the ground, spin me around. (AN metaphorically)

_But what goes up, must come down, and what's coming down's coming down fast. I think it fell on my heart._

Like everyone says, what goes up must come down. What's coming now's coming fast. But I'm ready. I'm ready to conquer the world; if only I have you by my side.

Your love is almost like being on a trampoline. What went up came back down. We were always so back and forth, so up and down. But now, I know that you love me, and I am head over heels for you. Nothing can change that. We might make little mistakes; have stupid conversations that lead to falling-out moments. But we will always get through them; we will always keep marchin on.

_I broke into a million pieces, each piece a thousand creases._

You are so ever-changing. You broke my heart into a million pieces, and fixed it again just with your smile, your love, your lips on mine. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

_**I wouldn't have it any other way.**_

_On a sweet Sunday morning…_

**And there it was, the ending chapter. Thanks SO much for reading this, and I hope I can have the next chap of Running up soon; my beta needs to get back to me and I THINK that my computer could possibly be going. **

***!LAPTOP RANT!***

**(it's a school laptop; I do virtual charter school so I get a laptop and they will repair/replace it as needed. I've had this one for 2-3 years; never been replaced once.) So keep your fingers crossed this one will keep working; I HATE the new design. Its too hard to navigate… It delayed this chap for like, half an hour when I shut the lid to put it to sleep, then remembered I had to do something so I opened it, it took FOREVER to get up, restarted itself, and restarted itself AGAIN. Then there was this random flash of black and white lines (which happened to my bro's when he had to send his back) so I'm praying it doesn't have a virus.**

**I'm considering changing my username, but I'm not sure yet. I will post the chapter name of Running as "STILL KAITLEY" when/if I do. You might not care, but too late! You just read this.**

**Okay, so sorry bout that. Review PLLEEEEASE?**


	4. Should I Redo this? AN

**So guys: here's the question. Should I re-write this story? Or at least revise/review it? I feel like, especially in the first chapter, Sam was too blunt with her feelings. I feel like, even though she would be MUCH older, Sam wouldn't generally just be like that. Or, I could just add in something like 'the email that wasn't supposed to be sent' or something like that. Either way, I didn't think she expected him to ACTUALLY get the message. But still, Sam is OOC in this story and I would like to fix that. Any comments?**


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